Secrets
by Stardust98
Summary: I wish I had green or blue eyes. I wish I had a beautiful smile. I wish I knew how to paint . . . Antonio saved me . . . from myself. He's kind, amazing, wonderful . . . perfect . . . everything I am not. I love him. Even if he will never love me back. I wish I could be . . . h-happy. But I know that I never will be. SpainxFem!Romano. Rated T for language.


**Warning: Unhealthy amounts of fluffiness, High risk of getting cavities, and Fem! Romano might be a bit OOC.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Hetalia.**

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Spain grinned as he entered Romana's room.

He gazed at the dark green walls, the light wood floors and the two, small windows that allowed the small, feeble rays of sunlight that could go through the white curtains to light the decently sized room. The Spanish man walked towards the bed, wincing at the light creaking sounds the aged, worn floorboards made at every step. Looking in the dark wood drawer next to the large and slightly messy bed, his grin grew when he had found what he was looking for. A small little pocket book. He ran his callused hands on the smooth green cover, and looked at the name written in gold letters at the bottom corner.

_Lovina Romana Vargas._

Sitting down on the soft, plush bed, Antonio was careful not to make any loud noises, and winced again when the bed creaked loudly. He listened for any sound that the fiery Italian that was currently napping on the couch might be awake, and sighed in relief when he had heard none. Turning his attention back to the little green book, he turned it to look at the back and smiled affectionately when he found a picture of him and Lovina taped to the back.

It was one that they had taken together when they had been strolling around Barcelona. There they stood, hand in hand. The Spaniard was grinning goofily, emerald orbs shining with mirth. The Italian girl, on the other hand, was blushing wildly, cheeks colored scarlet, and the ever present scowl on her face. Behind the both of them, was a stunning and breathtaking view of the lovely city of Barcelona, the landscape adorned with lush green vegetation and beautiful elegant buildings. The sun had been bright on that day, and he closed his eyes as a wave of nostalgia washed over him. That had been a wonderful day, even if it had lasted for only a while.

Antonio felt a small jab of guilt in his stomach. He knew he shouldn't have been snooping around like this, but he was worried. The Italian had not been acting like herself for the past few weeks, and he had tried everything . . . But those olive orbs were now almost always dull with sadness, and he ached to know why. He wanted to help Lovina.

Even though he kept telling himself that this was the only way, he still felt guilty for invading Lovi's privacy.

He had given her this book many years ago, during World War II. He told her she could write anything in there. Her thoughts, complaints, dreams, ambitions, secrets . . . And nobody, not even himself, would see it. He wrapped his larger pinky around hers in a promise, and his green eyes shone with sincerity. A flash of gratitude had passed her olive orbs. It had passed so quickly that the Spanish man had almost missed it.

Thinking back on the promise he had made, only made him even guiltier than before. If any of this went wrong, he could lose Roma's trust. He had worked so hard to tear down her barrier, little by little, and getting her to confide in him.

As he felt another jab of guilt, Spain frowned slightly and opened the drawer to put the small booklet back. However, when he had turned it back to the front cover, something had caught his eye. Two words, written in carefully detailed cursive, captured his attention. The Spaniard hesitated, thinking back on his promise. Curiosity and temptation won, and he turned to the last page. He had to know what was wrong with Lovi. Not being able to see the script in the dimly lit room, he turned on the lamp on the table, and read the elegantly written words written on the soft beige coloured page.

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_.My Secrets._

_I wish I had soft, bright hair._

_I wish I had green or blue eyes._

_I wish I had a beautiful smile._

_I wish I knew how to paint._

_I wish I had a lot of friends._

_I know I am fat._

_I know I am stupid._

_I know I . . . am mean . . ._

_I . . . k-know I am ugly . . ._

_I know . . ._

_And I am fucking sorry that I'm not good enough._

_I wish these scars on my wrists would have had been deeper._

_I wish the pills I swallowed would already . . . just . . ._

_I tried to kill myself three days ago._

_Antonio saved me . . . from myself._

_He's kind, amazing, wonderful . . . perfect . . . everything I am not._

_I love him._

_Even if he will never love me back._

_I wish I could be . . . h-happy._

_But I know that I never will be._

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"Lovi . . ."

He thought of Lovina, the fiery Italian who had always been there for him, through good and bad. He thought of how she had always tried to cheer him up when he was down. He thought of the girl who made his day brighter, no matter how dark it had seemed to be at first . . .

He thought of the girl he had hopelessly fallen in love with.

Closing the tiny book slowly, he placed it back in the drawer meticulously, making sure it appeared as it first did when he had found it. Antonio silently closed the drawer, and left the room, closing the door as quietly as he could.

The floorboards still creaked as he walked downstairs towards the living room, but he did not care. Spain headed to the large couch where Lovina lay, and watched as her stomach slowly rose as she breathed. The light coming in from the tall glass windows made her skin glisten, and her hair shine. He sat down next to her and shook her gently, a soft smile on his face.

"Lovina . . . Lovi wake up."

Her eyes fluttered open, and Antonio caught a glimpse of her flawless olive green eyes before she yawned. Rubbing her left eye with delicate slender fingers, she glanced at him questioningly.

"What i-is it . . .?"

Spain hugged her, holding her in a protective, warm embrace. She was confused at this sudden action, but did not fight back, cherishing the warmth and how safe she felt in those arms.

As he let go, Lovina looked at him, confusion present in her eyes. Her cheeks were coloured a light pink shade.

"W-What was . . ."

"Lovi . . . listen to me," He looked at her straight in the eyes. "Your hair is beautiful, your eyes are stunning . . . You have a cute and wonderful smile, your paintings are amazing, and you do have a lot of friends, a lot of people who care about you. You are not fat, you are not stupid, you are not mean, you are not ugly," As he said this, the girl's eyes widened in realization at what he had done. Before she could say a word, he went on, "And please . . . don't kill yourself . . . think of the people who care," Spain paused for a moment, "Like me."

"H-Huh? What the hell do you-"

"_Eres hermosa _. . ." He murmured, and caressed her cheek, she shivered slightly at the touch, and her light blush became a bit darker than it had been before. "_Te_ . . ._ te amo_ . . ."

Shocked, she gazed at him, looking for any sign to show that he was lying. He had to be lying . . . right? After all, who would love her? Lovina remembered the words he had said to her before, and bit her lip. Could it be possible that this wasn't some cruel joke? It had happened before, and it could happen again. But, after looking deeply into his emeralds, she knew that he was being sincere.

"_T-Ti_ . . . _Ti a-amo_ . . ." Her voice was no more than a quiet whisper, and Spain had barely heard her. But he did, and he hugged her again. This time however, she hugged him back, albeit a little hesitant to do so, as if the Italian girl was still unsure.

"_Siempre te amare_ . . ."

At those words, Romana relaxed slightly, and melted into the warm safety of his arms. He moved a bit to look at her face, and grinned when the corner of her lips twitched into the smallest of smiles.

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**I'm really proud of this one. Okay, look, I know I should be working on 'I'm a GIRL?', but I couldn't help but publish this, and I have writer's block . . . Heh, but a chapter will be coming soon! I promise. ****Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this!**

**Please R&R! :) **

*****Stardust98*****


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